Alright so if you’re a follower you might be curious as to what happened yesterday.
I did claim I would be rid of outside life variables by controlling my every thought to be positive or involve base thoughts (past enjoyed memories that provide comfort) and yet I still did a post. Maybe I’m addicted to this blog…sigh…I redirect obsession a lot. Oh well, at least this is healthy 😉
I woke up and tried to put the thoughts where I wanted them, but I kept having outside life thoughts. Mostly realizing my phone was on and to have no outside variance I would have to turn it off. I would have to be without it. Well, I hadn’t prepared for that and then thoughts circulated around if I would need it for life living. Then I got angry with myself for having those thoughts because they weren’t allowed and were shaking the control up. Positive was gone. There was just…no point and I didn’t want to continue in anger with myself when I’ve put myself through quite a lot lately. Self-hugs times are coming.
Also, I’d had wine the night before and hung out with a new friend. Connection were firing off everywhere and I couldn’t catch them. The night before I would have had to prepare myself and have bedded early with some daisies lacing my brain and pillow. I did none of that.
It has led to a realization that…alcohol and I might not mix so well. We can when there are humans and dancing or conversation about/distractions galore, but if I go home that night with no distractions I can feel the depressant aspect of it. Since every mood change is analyzed now it is apparent that alcohol might actually lead to some depression tinkerings. This is unacceptable.
Yet…the past few days the only things I’ve had outside of the same food was alcohol and it caused shifts in mood not accounted for by having those same foods. Rebounding dramatic ones even. Pimples bursting out too. Maybe it just needs limited to one glass…I can deal with life still if I can have one glass.
Other than the above I am going to return to keto soon. The only foods that have been keeping me from it are the potatoes, apricots, cherries, and carrots that I have at dinner and otherwise I just naturally go towards and desire to be back in ketosis. Apricots and cherries/sugar cause too many mood swings and I’ve run out of the spinny ones with sippy cups. Maybe it’s because I want some reason for depression and keto seems to be the only cure I know. Also, studies are showing that low carb dieting leads to better self-control over food and in general it was the only thing to help cure the mental disorders I dance with and it actually knows orchestra dubstep.
Yet now I have plenty of data for being off of keto and the feels it causes so I’ll go back to it now and be able to analyze all the feels. Also, self-nurturement is needed. It might require traveling out of Lubbock even. This place steals the soul and traps it without fuzzy blankets and only toilet paper to blog on.
Also, the posts should go back to more of adorable jokes and less…dense from here on. Hopefully. Or you should just abandon this for Ted 2 now. I might if I were you…but wait if I go back and read this later I’d become a reader of the blog…I could be both you and me….
Oh, also you should go see The Yes Men are Revolting. I saw it last night and…it provides some hope this world can change.