ADHD brains tend to have a deficit in dopamine (the reward hormone).
So when you have sex or eat food you get a flow of dopamine. Your body is rewarded. There is balance between what you do and what you receive. A ying and yang, a give and take. A homeostasis of the mind.
Yet when the brain goes glickglurg your dopamine release and capturing of that release are glitched.
I was reading this article about twenty seconds ago to reach this realization. The thought was provoked by:
“This high-risk genetic trait leads to multiple drug-seeking behaviors, because the drugs activate release of dopamine, which can diminish abnormal cravings. Moreover, this genetic trait is due in part to a form of a gene (DRD2 A1 allele) that prevents the expression of the normal laying down of dopamine receptors in brain reward sites (10, 11, 12).”
“To diminish abnormal cravings.”
Humans can become an abnormal craving? We crave that dopamine release because they caused it. Like when you have sex and women have more oxytocin release and men have higher dopamine release.
You get addicted to sex, to that person. Obsessed with getting that drug release.
I thought of something that melts all of this together last night. I could not find where the Dustin obsession was. I kept feeling around my brain but it never felt like I could find that obsession in order to feel it and release it (Descarte mentality of you must fully feel something in order to be free of it).
Well I found it. It was lying in a Woulfe field of moments. An ex of mine that deeply betrayed me (maybe).
I thought of Woulfe sporadically and there it was, that tinkering bitch of Dustin that has been causing a depression lately. It was horrid enough I wanted to contact my manager to put is into different shifts. I’ll explain that story in a later post though. It is in my phone right now and needs compiling but I have to study for college today.
How this Melts Together
Dustin was in fact some type of obsession. I was controlled by a deep desire for him and everyday moments would connect back to him. If I wasn’t connecting to him life felt like a play I was walking in, faking what was needed.
I would even think of him and just get deeper into that need to where I had to message him and had to find a way to be near him.
What if this was a literal bodily response? What if I was craving that dopamine release (or some other release) to where I formed bodily needs into my imagination and they formed the desire for Dustin (/signaled to what was the easiest to signal due to: the intense orgasm, the fact I’d already been thinking of him so the thought was right there, or the odd chemical connection I felt with him (so fucking intense).
Two question now arise.
How did that connection get trapped there?
A. Similar hormone releases occurred
B. During sex with Dustin the connection went to the same place Woulfe connections were
C. I have been unable to fully access and feel all that happened with Woulfe so they simply got trapped together
D. Further experimenting needed
Why did fucking another human not work?
A. Our chemical connections do not fit as well
B. He did not connect into the same Woulfe connections (also doesn’t work because he reminds me of Woulfe due to them both having lying tendencies)
C. I was simply still trapped in the Dustin connection and it did not untrap me.
D. From a mind control perspective I did not allow this to happen.
P.S. If you are a first time viewer to this blog I request you begin at the beginning.