McSuicide Update



The Primal Superiority Woes

Food wise cheating has been kept very minimal. No fast food hollowed out food has past into my inner dwellings and I daresay I’ve become so arrogant about food they would kick me out of restaurants if I ever deemed to enter them. It would have to do with the nakedness of me since I would run into them (let’s go with McDonald’s) and say “This is what you can’t have if you eat here!!” Then run out.

It would be in both the they can’t fuck me and the they can’t have this human blissfuck of a body I have beneath me. Now then. This is something I’ll degrade myself to relate to humans in. For years and years my self confidence was utter bigotry of the lost mind diaries. I used to shake my stomach at night if I had the slightest pound above 101 and did obsessive jumping jacks if there was any bloating.

A lot of that feeling still exists within. I have this…hope that as I become more aware of my body the things that dwell within it are coming out. I can feel every raw moment of life that was held down, but I can handle it now. The pain enters and leaves, but it does have thin intensity of feelings.

The main issue now is that it feels like everyone is waiting to reject me. Generalization is real and it haunts my innards. Lately it can be hard to feel beautiful on that initial look within the mirror. As though one person rejecting me tinkers deeper than the many humans who lust their eyes into me daily.

Yet if you stare longer. If you truly look into your own eyes and run them all over your skin. There’s this deep beauty to knowing you’re inside yourself.

Published by

SI-Ya Ray

Greetings beautiful people. I bliss out over crafting new flavors, interviewing test makers and restaurant owners and discovering the brain.

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