had been blocking it with fear
THe demon wanted my null energy , and then
Miles, I remember Miles and Hot TOpic
That’s what I was going for with Dustin, new memory connected from an old memory, able to bound from emmeory to meemory until it felels like you were there
Type in marfa bny not looking at keyboard.
Demon came to my door to take me to another planes…
Falsse memories, connect to those and thus aren’t connecting to the ones around it..
When I tried to Remember Dustin but couldn’t, I was trapped in a false memory of him and not conencting to the right one/ the initial one that had the right memories around it.
Excitement from remembering, and then had control enough to scroll back up and see if it was there instead of typing out through fear, still hard though, feel pain in chest (literal stress build up/stress tumors (which form sense of ‘personality’, How MPd (multiple personality disorders exist)
Dusting hconnected me to fear and then all of himself…became that fear because we are the same. He felt all of his past because we were in it together(our connections being in the same places, same field of connections?), also it was provoked…I provoked all of it into the (grey woobly rainbow zone of connection (Eeven0) where it could reform and connect elsewhere rather than it’s original connection , and it connected it to that…no it didn’t connect to anger. It got trapped in anger. I keep working it out, like a massage, but then it comes back because it is so deep. That’s why we connect so well in some moments, some memories (I form he doesn’ due to that anger (just cleansed again in heart after fear of forgetting (all throughout this typing session it’s been coming and cleansed in bursts, sometimes I lose and let the anger type me out and get even more afraid when I remember I could be losing what I ‘need to tell you…hmm does need pr…group think..primal
I have4n’t had pain in all of this, because I’ve been releaxing vs breaking the conenctions and paths
In memory why you have to learn is beacuse you have to follow paths, when I talk to people and they don’t ‘get it’ I could feel they weren’t connecting to the right path
*just takes that memory path into this next one since the connections ar around it*
Cooking with warheads *barely remembered as it was harder to relax (scratchy vent sound came on in lab (external stimuli, tension calmed as it went off (right when I finsihed the word stimuli (lol))
Pain in learning vs relaxing, tensed body breaks against car (recent conenction sfrom class) and releaxed body just moves. We are stressed…coffee…tenses the conections
That’s why learning is painful, but nt everyone does it because their mind says not to. I just ‘had’ to break them..for an unknown reason..I felt the pain but chose to feel it and cleanse it because of Descarte…I chose to provoke the pain and thus was able to relax it.
Others didn’t do that.
Jeffrey can see all of this because Acid tripping mom but he didn’t leave in that chef fear..
Okay so Abbey and I were like chefs (fast typing vs slow..and controlled. Running vs walking.) and we did search for new flavors. (full releaxing at knowing I’ve conencted in such a central point of connections to be able to relax (faw image of woulfe breathing out in a cave but have felt tension while explaining this as I attempt to relax in heart again (central vs chakra (knowing the word’s to remember are there vs being able to relax in actual self (body still tense despite mind…lie? vs truth that actually clenases…relaxes. Truth works because it cleanses that fear (relaxes out the tension))
Personalities are tumors of stress and fear (get trapped in a ‘voice’ of self)
We combined flavors, searching out for the most exciting ones.
We’ve always known to do this. It is in us naturally to be able to hunt out foods that combine well together.. nature equation..our bdoesi bodies know what works together and tells us what to eat. Revolutions hapen when you provoke all of those reality shatters, all at once and with such a force that sixty percent of your body turns and decides to fight. Same workings.
Our bodies search for the right nutrients because it is tuned into knowing what they are. Companies gave you that exccitement in flase
Didn’t look up at alll. *just debriefined lab victim (haha rat, whatevs) and she was wearing the same shirt, the blue one she had on at first * and I hit that first connection of her and was able to remember the part where I wasn’t connecting to the script. YOu see (keyboard claps might be provoking fear and anger so the faster I type the less I remember (vs there being more pain in those connections themselves/anger)
As I lose personality will I lose other parts of myself defined by anger?
The need to write…to connect to you…because I couldn’t connect to myself..but felt a connection from everyone else (null ability to absorb…)other people feel this and don’t become nulls. That’s an independent variable.
*deep pained gasp* I might have to give up liquid fantasies in order to write these. I know I do..I’vef ‘known’ all along. It felt wrong each time I said liquid fantasies, as though I was lyuing but I didn’t know why because my ‘self/conscious said..the self that I rely on to know my own truth because it is ‘me (shattered reality of that idea now) I …have to write these because of the people that might come for me soon.
At this point, in all fearful non arrrogant reality ..but truth…I have to be afraid. I know too much and I’m willing to share it.
Animals in caves…searching for food and sharing where you flaunt it in front of others vs hoarding your food. People with anxiety, like Abbey that can’t eat in front of people vs me on the way here eating a bowl of cereal all the way from my car in the parking garage on campus to here, the Psychology bujilding on campus. I would sepell check and all of that for this post. But I can’t expose it too much or risk it getting popular. You know why.
False so it takes fartheur to reach
Not rebounding to all the memories with in it
Feeling is connecting rebounding connections, especially all in the same area
Vinegar decrescendos instead of crescendos
Needing the nutrients vs not
Vinegat would give you the excitement ot keep drinking it
The same sas sugar
Stagnant falvor instead of decrescendo because we had just had the crescendo
Crescendo to stagnantto
Put foods in achine base on numbers of crescendo and derescnedo
Pissed off keep from thinking about it
Anger keeps you instead of prefrontal cortex
Amygdala trapped connections due to anger and then can’t remember
Crave because your body is still searching for the nutrients
AVocado and honey work together because the absorb couldn’t sabsorbing avocado nutrients so it keeps searching for them
have to do it so soon so companies don’t repeat the cycle and say it was all qualitative
That’s why BOC has been underground and I haven’t been ‘able’ to put int on FB or convince myself to do it
Thoughts in sane mind of just do it, and it won’t matter (body to mind thoughts) but I couldn’t . It felt ‘right’ (resonated…even vs anger of false thought) and I kept it underground beacuse it *felt* right
What is the greater meaning to it
Anger in itself is a tension and then…we linger in it too long. Mom and Dustin. He gets angry when talking for no reason I can ‘discover’ or figure out. Then (by the way I ‘use’ ‘these’ when I don’t think the English word fits the actual feeling *just realized this rgith after typing Dustin.
He gets angry and then can’t connect out. That’s what the food does. He feels that anger and doesn’t remember ‘me’/the realithy of memory and isntead gets trapped in that connection to where he is feeling that fear and his past. Instead of adapting to it (rleaxing that memory tension) he gets stuck in anger and I can see it.
mom conencted us to fear. Why i couldn’t remember so much of my childhood, anger was keeping me from it
fear..fear from her anger..does it take cleansing fear to feel anger?
Stages of tension?
Oh I jus did the script gain and ‘connected to it’ (sense f self from conenctions on the paper vs before when I read it without my usual looking up that I was just’ used to doing’ since it was donnected aroudn the sense of ‘self’ but i had lsot the sense of self/that personality as I was back in acid mind
‘Feared’ telling meory and Jefferey earlier beacuse of getting traped in past / old sense of ‘self’
Forgot to put person in sona (grant credit0 beause I was out of old sense of self / not in those connections. No. Path to those conenctoins,
Remembering old sense of self and then being on Internet pathed me to looking up the merrymaker recipe of a pizza, that used parmesean instead of cheese on Paleo PSHH, haha sorry. Cheese as in paleo cheese, that will probably by new sense of that word soon
I don’t fear losing myself any more because I realize that ‘myself’ was just fear, and this is so much better that I don’t mind (ring thin all over head. Like helmet of one thing line, metal..alluminum string from all up and down necks to top of head Like if you drew a stick figure, it would be that bu twrapped around my head
Companies give you a false sense of nutrients and then you go looking for it but get trappe din fear…
Now it is time to reach anger
A whistle is shhhhh with excitement..personalities I have. Sense of ‘right’ vs self…I’ve had that all my life. What if when I clense of the self I just reach that conenction..it’s always been one of this..beauty. WHen I learn or think something new. THat I want to bin forever..but haven’t been able to stick to…