I’ve already made an heirloom marinara, can free, but I recently wondered if ketchup was possible too. If it just involved the same concept of simmering out the water then of course it was possible. Ketchup is like marinara but you replace the water with vinegar.Continue reading “Slow Cooker Pumpkin Spice Ketchup : Paleo and Low Carb”
Apparently Daniel Radcliffe is ‘finally’ going to branch out from Harry Potter. Nevermind the fact his tree has already cracked off several branches that he speared through his skin to the skull and crafted them into Horns. Oh you don’t know of his strip from Harry down to Alan Strange in my favorite play, Equus?
This man has made himself bare for us in the sake of horses and mental disorderment.
He has caught a snitch with such erupting laughter I see the memory like a vivid happiness right now. He conquered a dragon people. With another dragon. That’s cool no matter what realm you’re in.
Then to mention the fact he is from my favorite childhood novel while his doppelganger (they switch this role), was in my twin’s favorite novel. We decided she got to love Lord of the Rings while I got to have Harry Potter. We both are enamored by each other’s mythical worlds as well, but I’ve poured into the Harry Potter Books with only a pensieve and wand to get me out. She’s read all of J.R. Tolkien and seen every extended and behind the scenes moments of the movies. She also plans to build Hobbiton, had a Lord of the Rings Wedding:
Then Went to New Zealand for the Honeymoon:
,and has a tattoo in Elvish that says ‘Not all who wonder are lost’. All I’ve done is deeply contemplated writing fan fiction. Until now. Now I have the power of food. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice will be on this page soon.
In dedication to the sheer wonders of this man I give you chocolate frog massage bars in a celebrational gesture of his merging personalities on the screen.
If you are living in the loving yourself single realm then I invite you to watch Equus clips on YouTube with one of these bars right next to you.
The chocolate bar will get you very messy so lick off immediately. I love deep messiness and deep chocolate so I’ll stick to it, but if you want a clear coat then go for the white chocolate frog. I promise though, once you go dark frog you never go back.
Now if you can handle chocolate without any sugar, like a full on human beast, then do not add sugar and have a completely warm and wet experience. The sugar adds an exfoliant depth to the bar.
Dark Chocolate Frog Massage Bar
1/2 Cup Cocoa Paste
1/2 Cup Coconut Oil
1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder
1 Tsp Sweetener
(coconut sugar for paleo or erythitol for keto)
White Chocolate Massage Bar
1 Cup Cocoa Butter
1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil
1 Teaspoon of Sweetener
Dash of Salt
Directions forBoth Massage Bars
- Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer, as it will burn the chocolate).
- Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
- Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
- Let the paste rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
- Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
- Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a donut pan).
At this point you can store the bars in the fridge and use them in whatever shape they go cold in or take them out of the fridge once solid and let them come to room temperature. At this point you can mold them into shapes but do put them back in the fridge again as they will melt about 75 degrees.
The Beforehand (get it?????). The left side of the screen is the dark chocolate melted and the right is the white one.
I forgot to take an after but my hand was very clean on both sides.
I‘ve now had dreams of chicken nuggets spurting out the silver waste of unicorn blood.
Once you start sleeping in a hammock your dreams become as vivid as reality and so little bites of chicken, even in imagination form, caused the feeling of killing my favored horseish creature. We’ve leaped through Erasure’s voice in Always and believed in Schmendrick together. I thought my mouth was banned from chicken nuggets for life to avoid mind trauma.
This all spurred from watching Cooties, a comedy you can’t deny your mind of. This movie was so aware of its audience that it flawlessly brings out your chuckles right before soaking them in gore. Gore has always been more personally enjoyed than suspense or ear shattering music to me. The usual horror tactics work very well and I wind up jumping or…kind of…growling at the screen.
Cooties drops the common horror act and replaces Daniel Radcliffe’s horns with Elijah Wood’s hobbit gone…actually he remains pretty hobbit like. Jack McBrayer is still the gayest stereotype we’ve grown more sick of than the sickness you feel from the baby that gets bitten in this movie.
Yeah. Try to prepare for that mind trip. I’m sure Jorge Garcia will even share his shrooms with you.
Along with What We Do in the Shadows and It Follows this movie reminds you that there is more to movies than Failing Four and Jurassic Jupiter (because Jupiter lied to us about being able to rely on it too). Hopefully Cooties is still in theaters when you see this, or available on Netflix, because this movie is worthy of blisstons of praise and even kale chip encrusted recipes.
I‘m a variety human so I baked half of the chicken and fried the other half. I also coated half of the chicken in crushed up Kale chips and the other half in pork rinds. What? I’m single. Let me have pleasure.
The kale chip crackings were the most mouth soaking but pork rind fried chicken will always have its place on my fried chicken.
Ingredients for Cootie Free Chicken Nuggets:
The Breasts of 3 Chickens Cut into Two Inch Chunks
Enough Pickle Juice to Fill a Bag with 3 Chicken Breasts in it
(Quality of pickle juice matters, I go for TJ’s crunchicons and just pour out enough of the juice out to fill the bag and then put the lid back on and store it in the fridge)
1-2 Cups of Avocado Oil (or any frying oil)
4 Oz of Kale/Pork Rinds
2 Oz of Kale Shreds (I used Bombay Curry)
2 Oz Pork Skins (go for softer pork rinds and discard and super hard bits)
Prep Directions for Both the Oven and The Frying:
- Take a plastic bag or any dish that can hold things and put the chicken breasts in it.
- Fill the container with pickle juice and let it sit in the fridge overnight. Then go sleep or watch Cooties.
- Do not rinse off the pickle juice. It makes the kale chips or pork rinds stick to the chicken.
- The next day savor what you have watched and cut up the chicken into 2 inch chunks (or leave as strips).
Pan/Cast Iron Frying Directions:
- Coat your chicken chunks or strips in kale chips or pork rinds or both by pressing it deeply into them.
- Coat the bottom of a pan with enough frying oil to cover half of a chicken chunk.
- Fry each side for two minutes and remove from oil.
- Set the oven to 400 degrees.
- Let your oven reach 400 degrees (about the time of an ARAM).
- Either toss your chicken in oil now then coat with kale chips or pork rinds or both, or coat them and then put the chunks in a bowl and drizzle in oil.
- Lay the chunks on a wire rack and set over a baking pan, or over a cupcake pan because you didn’t feel like finding a baking pan.
- Bake for 4 minutes and then flip and bake for 4 more minutes.
Baked vs. Fried
(Fried on the bottom baked on the top)
For Avocado Mayo:
1/4 Cup EVOO (list of lying ones here) or Avocado Oil
1/2 Teaspoon of Salt
1/2 Teaspoon Pepper
1/2 of a Lemon’s Juice
- Process ingredients together or smash them a lot with a fork.
- Drizzle in sriracha.
Depends on what Kale chips you use but according to all but the vegans/vegetarians/calorie counters this is healthy.
Mmm the simple life. Two flavors creating a mouth bursting cream level of delicious. All for your mind and body pleasure. There are times in our mouth lives where we just know two tastes were meant to come together. I was scrampering around in the fridge looking for food I wouldn’t feel the need to photograph. Food I could simply eat in secret. I grabbed two random things meant to just be consumed, enjoyed, and walked away from. Food far too simple to blog about. Then together they entered me and I knew they had to be shared.
P.S. These would make great party snacks.
I meant to remove them from the sticks. To save some for later. They are saved now…just inside me. It turns out the glass was very useful for seed storage.
Disclaimer: Unless you find humanely raised goat cheese dairy is not paleo. Here is a great article on it.
Macros per stick: Calories: 30.8g Fat: 2g, Sodium: 35.5mg, Potassium: 20.3mg, Total Carb: 1.4g, Net carb: 1.2 g, Protein: 1.8g
Sometimes elegant simplicity is all that we want inside us. We don’t want to slave away for hours just to get one tiny mouthgasm. What we want is to lovingly create mouthbliss with a few strokes of a knife into some radishes and a squeeze of juice on the top. Lemon juice with pepper and salt to bring it all together. Then we add the final white layer of cheese and put in a martini class to be very, very fancy. We then consume for mind shattering lifts.
This is another taste your brain most likely doesn’t know. It will be alright my lovers because we are going to give you familiar ingredients to pair the bitter with. What raw ingredients give your mind is a bright bliss flavor that does not compare to cooked food. I still love cooked food and still fear sauntering into a full on raw diet, at least for a while. Each time I get over bitter though, and embrace raw foods, my mind and body are never disappointed.
It was a very groggy mind day when I decided to put this inside me and oh did it brighten my sprog right up. Seriously though, it cleared me right out and the day was just a bright bliss of mind control.
The whole tini is rich in Vitamin C with moments of Vitamin A, E, calcium, folate and iron. All ready to connect you to life.
What you will need:
One watermelon radish chopped into bite sized pieces
Half a cup of feta or goat cheese (I recommend feta but goat gives a more creamy mouth time)
Half a teaspoon of salt
The juice of one lemon (yes the whole thing. You want that full flavor)
1/4 a teaspoon of pepper
Tablespoon of oil (optional, to drink from the bottom once the salad flavors leak in, but it doesn’t stick to the radishes)
Combine the above and place into a martini. Then put in a bowl because you have to stab it pretty hard.
Macros: Calories: 192.3g Fat: 18g, Total Carbs: 4g, Net Carbs: 2g, Protein: 6g
Disclaimer: Unless you find humanely raised cheese dairy is not paleo. Here is a great article on it.
If you have leftover coconut whipped cream from the hangover smoothie I have the words on what to do with it.
I suddenly have become aware of all the words I’m using. Has it become too many?
I haven’t actually experimented with any aspect of what this whipped coconut cream can do in comparison to cow whipped cream, or goat whipped cream (Mmmmm *suddenly mind soaked*), but I have topped it with berries and granola now. You deserve this in your mouth, and I couldn’t just let you leave that cream in the fridge. Cream is meant to be on your lips or inside you.
Whipped Coconut Cream and Berries Hardened by Granola
Raspberries (or any other berry)
Granola Crumbles from All Day I Dream About Food Cherry Granola Bars
(I did mint instead of cherries and it was delicious)
Optionally Added: Hemp Seeds, Chia Seeds, Cocoa Powder, Erythitrol (for keto),Coconut Sugar (for Paleo)
- Let the coconut cream get warm. If you’ve left it in the fridge it needs some calming down time, as my mouth discovered.
- Top with berries and granola bits. The frozen ones defrost very quickly and it allows you to get incredible berries even if you live in the Lubbock desert. I use Cascadian Farms sometimes. I found a better brand but I’m not at home and Google didn’t find it.
- Add whatever else your mouth desires.
Ish Macros (high variance and not counting granola) Total Carbs: 4.4, Net Carbs: 3.6, Fat: 14.1g, Protein: 1g