Are you ready for adult cinnamon toast crunch?Continue reading “Tigernut Cereal (Sweetner Free, Low Carb and Paleo)”
I know I know, your insides aren’t sunburned so why would you ever eat aloe? The green silky plant is traditionally used in a medical sense, but as it so happens you can also consume aloe. The benefits of this plant inside you are so far reaching that there has been an article published and dedicated to it in the Indian Journal of Dermatology :Continue reading “Brain Invigorating Aloe Smoothie”
My mouth has been captured by the earth’s intimacy.
The way two flavors get to know each other, with no third wheel to roll the flavor away, is like an earthgasm into mouth heaven.Continue reading “Mayo Fondled Broccoli: Caveman Friendly”
Apparently Americans struggle with many deficiencies. Most of these deficiencies can be made up for with organ meat (om nom noms), but for some we can not stay above ground. The ocean now holds nutrients that we supposedly need to function. As a human in the desert of Lubbock I avoid fish in order to not die. I’m also deeply afraid of the ocean ever since Jaws and Finding Nemo (they do not prepare kids for that deep water scene) so I can’t go self diving for it.
One thing I can trust here is seaweed. The nommy green sheets comes in cute little packages that look like Japan blissing out on us. Oh the mutual love bubbles of food exchange. Japan even innovated food bubbles to not pop. You can Google it. It isn’t true but you can still Google it.
Instead of trying to do anything more than meat, cheese and seaweed I’ve just added meat and cheese to seaweed. The creativity comes in adding different spices to your pieces. You could also party platter this and I’m sure laughs would come into your ears. You could even label it healthy.
Seaweed is deliciously salty, crunchy, and the perfect mini pallet for tiny sandwich like noms. Paprika lends and earthy note while even Italian spice will work in your favor. This recipe can lend variety after a long day with only three minutes of preperation.
Sushi Nori Seaweed Sheets
Slices of Grass fed Cheese (Kerrygold Cheese is human safe)
Slices of Human Safe Meat
Dash of Spices:
Paprika, Salt, Onion Powder, Garlic Powder, 21 Seasoning
Combine the Ingredients
*imagine healthy tip and witty personal story here*
If you do want epically indulgent ear stimulation though listen to this playlist. You’ll also be listening to the sounds I’m writing this to.
Health Tip: Do not resist dancing
Woot. Thought of a health tip. So now you’ll just have to imagine a personal story.
Radish Leaves and Chips Ingredients:
2 Tablespoons of Coconut Butter
1 Tablespoon of Coconut Oil
Gently melt on low heat together for 15 seconds and drizzle over leaves and radishes.
Radish Leaves Chips Ingredients:
Leaves of a Radish Bunch
Small Drizzle of Avocado or Human Friendly Oil (not canola or fake EVOO)
1/2 Teaspoon Salt
1/2 Teaspoon Various Spices (optional)
Herby spices work best
- Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.
- Cut the leaves away from the radishes.
- Thoroughly rinse out the leaves of dirt. The human body does not like the taste of dirt so be thorough
- Dry the leaves with either a salad spinner or by vigorous shaking over the sink. If too much water remains the leaves will not chip up with the other leaves, but can be baked longer into chips.
- Cut the leaves and stems multiple times.
- Toss the leaves and stems into a bowl.
- Toss the leaves in a small drizzle of oil and salt (too much oil will prevent chipping).
- Spread the leaves out thoroughly onto a silpat lined baking sheet or a parchment lined sheet.
- Bake at 200 for one hour (checking at 45 minutes and every three minutes after) or 300 for ten minutes. Turn the chips at the halfway point.
- Take the leaves out of the oven and set aside.
Baked Radish Chips Ingredients
Bunch of Radishes
1/2 Tablespoon Avocado or Human Friendly Oil
1/4 Tsp Salt
1/4 Tsp Various Spices
- Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.
- Peel/scrape off any strings.
- Cut the radishes into chips.
- Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:
- Line the chips out on a baking sheet.
- Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five
Visual Tutorial for Leaves:
Preheat the oven to 200 to maintain enyzmes/nutrients or 300 for a ten minute quickie.
Cut the leaves from the radishes:
Rinse the leaves and toss off the water:
Cut the leaf bunch a few times:
Put the cut remains into a bowl:
Toss the leaves and stems in oil, salt, and spices:
Lay the leaves out on the pan. Really spread them out as the bunched ones won’t crisp up:
Bake at 200 for about an hour or 300 for ten minutes.
Visual Tutorial for Radish Chips
Preheat oven to 200 or 375 for a fifteen minute quickie.
Shave off any hairs:
Cut the radishes into chips:
Toss the chips in oil, salt, and spices or spray with coconut oil:
Line the chips out on a baking sheet:
Bake at 200 for an hour (check every five minutes afterwards) or 375 for ten minutes and then flip and bake for five
Apparently Daniel Radcliffe is ‘finally’ going to branch out from Harry Potter. Nevermind the fact his tree has already cracked off several branches that he speared through his skin to the skull and crafted them into Horns. Oh you don’t know of his strip from Harry down to Alan Strange in my favorite play, Equus?
This man has made himself bare for us in the sake of horses and mental disorderment.
He has caught a snitch with such erupting laughter I see the memory like a vivid happiness right now. He conquered a dragon people. With another dragon. That’s cool no matter what realm you’re in.
Then to mention the fact he is from my favorite childhood novel while his doppelganger (they switch this role), was in my twin’s favorite novel. We decided she got to love Lord of the Rings while I got to have Harry Potter. We both are enamored by each other’s mythical worlds as well, but I’ve poured into the Harry Potter Books with only a pensieve and wand to get me out. She’s read all of J.R. Tolkien and seen every extended and behind the scenes moments of the movies. She also plans to build Hobbiton, had a Lord of the Rings Wedding:
Then Went to New Zealand for the Honeymoon:
,and has a tattoo in Elvish that says ‘Not all who wonder are lost’. All I’ve done is deeply contemplated writing fan fiction. Until now. Now I have the power of food. Pumpkin pasties and pumpkin juice will be on this page soon.
In dedication to the sheer wonders of this man I give you chocolate frog massage bars in a celebrational gesture of his merging personalities on the screen.
If you are living in the loving yourself single realm then I invite you to watch Equus clips on YouTube with one of these bars right next to you.
The chocolate bar will get you very messy so lick off immediately. I love deep messiness and deep chocolate so I’ll stick to it, but if you want a clear coat then go for the white chocolate frog. I promise though, once you go dark frog you never go back.
Now if you can handle chocolate without any sugar, like a full on human beast, then do not add sugar and have a completely warm and wet experience. The sugar adds an exfoliant depth to the bar.
Dark Chocolate Frog Massage Bar
1/2 Cup Cocoa Paste
1/2 Cup Coconut Oil
1/2 Cup Cocoa Powder
1 Tsp Sweetener
(coconut sugar for paleo or erythitol for keto)
White Chocolate Massage Bar
1 Cup Cocoa Butter
1 Tablespoon Coconut Oil
1 Teaspoon of Sweetener
Dash of Salt
Directions forBoth Massage Bars
- Take a double broiler, or a saucepan with water in it and a bowl on top, (you do not want the water to touch the bowl, even at a simmer, as it will burn the chocolate).
- Bring the water to a simmer (do not let it boil) and let the cocoa paste melt. This can take about ten minutes so constantly watch and stir. Youtube and Instagram are acceptable distractions.
- Once the paste has melted stir in the sweetener and salt.
- Let the paste rest for about five minutes/until you can touch it without pain.
- Use your hands and mix the cocoa powder and coconut oil into the paste.
- Pour into silicone mold of some sort (I used a donut pan).
At this point you can store the bars in the fridge and use them in whatever shape they go cold in or take them out of the fridge once solid and let them come to room temperature. At this point you can mold them into shapes but do put them back in the fridge again as they will melt about 75 degrees.
The Beforehand (get it?????). The left side of the screen is the dark chocolate melted and the right is the white one.
I forgot to take an after but my hand was very clean on both sides.